it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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