I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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