Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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