I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
