She announced her abortion via fbk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
