i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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