The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
