Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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