Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
