I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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