scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
