I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pooping to opera.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize