Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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