Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
