She said her name was "party"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
