every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
