She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
