i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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