no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am midnight drunk by noon
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
