Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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