genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
