I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Someone signed my nipple.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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