I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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