: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
