I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
smell my finger.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
