Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
