He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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