You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
