I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
