and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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