I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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