She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
