i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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