The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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