did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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