she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
