Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
