When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
