..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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