I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
