I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
