for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am one with the molecules
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
