just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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