Small penises have feelings too.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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