You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
