i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Randomize
