I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
