I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
