i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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