I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize