So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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