we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
