I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize