I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you inspire me to be a worse person
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
