If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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