captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He did a backflip because drugs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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