my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
