elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
