***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
