my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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