hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
