I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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