hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
