They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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