I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
