he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
