apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
