He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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