I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
