Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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