I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
