Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
