Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
