I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
