he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
