I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
