I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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