my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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