just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize