Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
