All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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