I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
