It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
