don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Two words: nipple clamps
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